


Everything Starts Here

by Lemon_and_Honey



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Guardian Angels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2020-08-11 19:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemon_and_Honey/pseuds/Lemon_and_Honey
Summary: When God created the angels, he bestowed each of them with a purpose. Most of his children were created to be soldiers, others were messengers, and a very selected few were guardians: entrusted with pieces of human souls to watch over.Like the majority of his siblings, Castiel is a soldier. For millennia, he has worked to protect heaven and earth, following the commands of his superiors and his father’s will. That is, before everything changes. One day, Castiel miraculously finds himself in possession of a piece of Dean Winchester’s soul, a thirteen year old supernatural hunter.With his purpose now uncertain and his faith in his father’s plan shaken, Castiel must now try to do what’s best not only for himself, but his human as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! First of all, let me say thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy! This is the first time I've ever written a fic that takes place in an alternative universe or a timeline that doesn't specifically line up with canon. I did make a few minor changes to the timeline and I took some liberties involving the working of heaven. I hope this isn't a major issue for anyone and if it is, I apologize and hope it doesn't completely spoil the reading for you. I just thought it would be fun to do something a little different and I truly hope that everyone reading really enjoys it. 
> 
> Second, this hasn't been edited or reviewed by anyone else what so ever, so if anyone sees any mistake, feel free to let me know. I'll be sure to correct them as soon as possible. 
> 
> Once again, thank you so much! See ya soon!

Although he knew it was wrong, Castiel often wondered what it would feel like to be something more. 

From the moment of his creation, he had been given a purpose: a single order that would forever determine his fate. He was to be a soldier, fighting the unholy forces of hell in an effort to protect his home and the mortal realm. And he wasn’t supposed to question it. He wasn’t supposed to want. 

But he did. 

He followed his superior’s commands, he took his orders with pride, and he proved himself to be one of the most faithful and devout of his siblings, but there were times when he did indeed wonder. Why was this his purpose? Why wasn’t he doing something else? Something more? Why wasn’t he a messenger or, better yet, why wasn’t he a _ guardian _?

Just the thought made him feel the smallest hint of bitterness. 

He had lived for an inconceivable number of years and in that time he had heard many stories about the guardians. He had been taught of their greatness. 

It was said that guardians were the wisest, kindest, and most passionate of their kind. They were those who were strong enough to shoulder the weight of a human soul, to watch over their father’s greatest creations. God had specifically chosen them for this honor. He had made them with this grand purpose. 

Guardians were elite. They were perfection. So, Castiel couldn’t help but wonder, why not him? Why wasn’t he enough?

Even though he knew it was wrong- uncertainty wasn’t part of his nature- in the quiet moments when he was alone and far from his siblings’ reach, Castiel would dwell on this. He would dwell and get angry and plead. He wanted to do his purpose and find fulfillment. He wanted to stop wondering and just be. 

He prayed to his father for guidance and clarity and to be shown the path of his destiny. And, for the first time in a long time, God felt the need to answer. 

* * *

Castiel was in the middle of a meeting with his superior when it happened.

Within his garrison, he was second in command only to Anna, who was currently reciting commands that had been sent from Zachariah. Uriel was to her left. Castiel was to her right. Everything seemed business as usual.

And then, suddenly, it wasn’t. 

Anna was mid sentence when Castiel felt a sharp, hot pain rushing through him. It only lasted for a second, but it was enough to nearly bring him to his knees. He couldn’t help it as a startled gasp exploded from his lips and he stumbled forward. 

Before he could understand what was happening, Anna and Uriel were by his side, staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes. 

“What is that?” Anna asked sharply, pointing to the front of his robes with a shaking hand. Confused, trying to catch his breath, Castiel looked down. 

There on his chest, shining beneath the soft folds of fabric, was a bright blue light. Panicked, he quickly peeled back the layers to fully expose it. 

Now completely visible, the shining orb blazed intensely through his skin. A terrifying sense of wonder flushed through him as he stared at it. Without thinking, he drew a hand up in front of the light, watching as it seemed to expand and draw towards his touch. 

Anna suddenly jerked away from him. 

“A soul,” she said in breathless disbelief. “A human soul.” 

“Impossible!” Uriel spat, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him closer. Castiel allowed it without complaint. In that moment, he was frozen.

A soul. A human soul. This shouldn’t have been happening. _ How _ was this happening? 

“It’s simply not possible!” Uriel said again, anger dripping from his voice. “You can’t be…!” 

He trailed off, at a loss for words, and looked up at Anna. She too appeared shaken.

“T-this has never happened before,” she stammered, hands on either side of her face as she slowly shook her head. Bewilderment punctuated every word. 

Castiel swallowed hard. Once again, he drew his hand out in front of the bright blue light merged within his chest. 

“What does this mean?” 

“As I said,” Anna replied, reaching for him. She placed a strong hand on his shoulder. Her eyes focused on the pulsing light in his chest. “This has never happened before. There’s never been a report of an angel being gifted with a human soul like this. One doesn’t _ become _ a guardian, Castiel. They just are. This is… This is something wonderful!”

“Wonderful?” He asked softly, finally finding the courage to touch his fingers to his chest. Immediately, the light dimmed, turning a soothing shade of baby blue. He stared down in amazement. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Uriel said suddenly. “You act as if this is a blessing. How could you possibly think being burdened with caring for one of these dull creatures is wonderful? You’re a soldier, not a-!” 

“Uriel.” Anna warned as she shot a chilling look over her shoulder. He didn’t seem to hear her. 

“Do you really believe,” he continued, surprising Castiel with his hostility. “Our father would forgo the process of our creation for one simple creature? For _ you _? We are created with a purpose. We carry out that purpose and we never stop. We never change.” 

“That thing,” Uriel jabbed a finger at his chest. “Must be a mistake.” 

Before Castiel could say anything, bewildered, Anna cut in. 

“Enough,” she barked, voice firm and demanding. “Our father is never mistaken. You know that, Uriel, and I won’t listen to you speak any more blasphemy. You are dismissed.” 

Castiel watched as Uriel blinked at their sister, mouth open in dull shock. Coldly, she repeated her command. “You are dismissed.” 

Without another word, Uriel disappeared. 

Castiel stared at the empty space were the angel had just been with a grimace, shooting a concerned look at Anna. He had no doubt she shared his worry. They were quiet for a moment, stewing in their own thoughts, before she shook her head and tried to smile. 

“Don’t fear, Castiel,” she said, once again placing a gracious hand on his shoulder. He could feel the warmth radiating off her. “Our father is never mistaken. This is a beautiful gift. A very high honor. And I wholeheartedly believe you are deserving. This is no serendipitous event. This is very, _ very _ special.” 

Special. Castiel took a deep breath. A strange feeling settled in the pit of his stomach; something caught between joy and fear. This is what he wanted. This is what he had asked for. What he had _ prayed _ for. And yet… 

He just never expected to get an answer. 

* * *

It didn’t take long for word of Castiel’s miraculous guardianship to spread to the other angels in his garrison. Before long, all his brothers and sisters had beared witness to the strange development. 

Most of them approached it with the same amazement as Anna. A few, however, shared Uriel’s reservations and Uriel himself remained unwavering in his doubt. 

“You’re sentiment towards that thing makes me sick,” he hissed one bright morning as Castiel wandered by. 

Since it’s sudden appearance, Castiel had become accustomed to placing his hands over his chest no matter where he went, almost as if he was trying to physically cradle the soul. For him, it was a comfort. Uriel, on the other hand, found it disgusting. 

“You’re still a warrior, are you not?” He continued, bothered by the soft gesture. “Act like it.” 

Although his words were harsh, Castiel didn’t pay them much mind. He was far too content to care. 

Anna had consulted Zachariah about the situation a number of days ago and although he didn’t grace their garrison with his own presence, he expressed his amazement and congratulations. 

“A high honor indeed,” Anna had quoted from him. 

Hearing that confirmed what Anna had already said and gave Castiel the reassurance he needed to fully accept it as a blessing. His father had chosen him. He had been picked and miraculously given the opportunity. He promised himself he would not squander it. 

Castiel spent every free moment trying to better understand the beautiful blue soul nestled within his own being and in doing so, he quickly found his knowledge of guardians and those they protected was very lacking.

“I never imagined it would react this way. It appears very expressive,” Castiel confided in Anna one day after she invited him to stroll with her. 

While he had been happy to accept the invitation, he quickly found that it was merely a ruse to give them a chance to talk privately about the matter. She seemed just as invested as the others in the garrison. 

“Really?” She asked, stretching her wings leisurely as she walked in front of him. “How so?” 

He thought for a minute. 

“It’s… It’s hard to explain, but it’s almost like I can sense how they feel; their emotions. I know when they’re troubled or anxious. When they need comfort, I’m able to sooth them with a mere touch.” He slowly drew his fingers across his chest. “In those moments, the light dims and I am flooded with this unfathomable warmth. It’s like their reaching out to me and in doing this, I’m reaching back. It’s a very peaceful experience.” 

When he looked up, Anna was smiling at him. “It sounds lovely.” 

“It is. Very much so,” he said and smiled back. “I hope that they are having the same experience wherever they are. I don’t know much about being a guardian, but I’ve always heard that they were meant to comfort and led mortals. I hope to do the best I possibly can.” 

Anna watched as he continued to do soft motions over his chest, the blue soul reacting just as he had said. It seemed to almost follow his movements, yearning for contact. 

She continued to watch for a moment longer before turning away. 

“Have you found the human that this soul belongs to? Have you gone to earth to seek them out?”

Castiel paused, fingers stilling. “No. I hadn’t even considered it. Do you believe I should?” 

“Perhaps. Eventually, you might have no choice. As a guardian, your main duty is to serve this human and put them on the path to following God’s will. Father must have big plans for this one. I doubt you will be able to fully assist them from such a distance. It may be a necessity.”

“I… I’ll consider it. It’s been so long since I’ve been to the mortal realm. The last time I set foot on earth was under Ishim’s command. That’s been over a hundred years ago now. I’m sure much has changed.” 

“I’m sure. Humanity is always changing.” Suddenly, she let out an almost wistful sigh. “ I believe that’s one of our father’s greatest gifts to them: the ability to evolve. Even if they are only there for a short period of time, in their lifetimes humans get to experience so much. For them, nothing ever stays the same.” 

Castiel remained silent as she turned to him. Although she was smiling, a sadness gleamed in her eyes. Her lip quivered. 

“That’s kind of beautiful, isn’t it?” 

Uncertain of what he should say, caught off guard by her sudden emotion, Castiel paused and eventually, nodded. 

“Yes,” he muttered, unable to meet his sister’s eye. “I suppose it is.” 

* * *

Eventually, Castiel grew to appreciate the moments when he was alone. 

He thought that at some point the interest in his situation would taper. He thought his siblings would become accustomed to it and life in their garrison would return to normal. 

It didn’t. 

Each day, he was approached with the same amount of curiosity. Questions never ended. Uriel’s hateful gaze never wavered. Anna continued to pressure him into talking about it.

It seemed that despite the presence of the burning blue soul in his chest becoming a norm to him, it was still an oddity to others. None of them understood. All of them were curious. He began to yearn for time alone. 

It didn’t take him long to find the perfect hiding place. 

“If my brothers and sisters were to find me,” Castiel said quietly one day as he perched on a marble column, looking out cautiously over the empty hall. “They would most likely be concerned. Some might even be angry.” 

He could practically hear Uriel’s disdain. “Now you’re talking to that thing,” he would say and shake his head. “It can’t hear you, Castiel.” 

The angel sighed. 

“But I like talking to you. Even if you can’t hear me. I know it’s illogical, but having someone to protect and take care of makes me feel… important. I’ve served my father for so long and I have absolute faith in what I’m doing here as a soldier, but some part of me has always wanted more.” 

He paused. “I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m not supposed to want anything. If my superiors found out…” 

He trailed off. Beneath his hand, as if on cue, his human’s soul began to tremble. He glanced down at his chest. The human’s soul had grown bright and light now peaked between the folds in his robes and his fingers. He frowned slightly and drew his other hand up.

In the last few weeks, he had begun to understand. Brightness meant they needed reassurance. Dimness meant they were content. 

Sometimes the soul would take on a more reddish hue and Castiel would feel a deep burning in the core of his being. He knew his human was angry. Other times, it would turn an icy grey and he would feel cold all over. His human was sad. 

But that was okay. Castiel had quickly learned that no matter what mood his human was in, he always had a way to sooth them. 

He gently drew his arms tighter around himself. 

“Don’t worry,” he muttered. “I’m here. We are going to be okay.” 

* * *

“Are you certain you don’t wish for me to accompany you?” Castiel shifted uncomfortably as Anna stepped towards him, one of her hands extended as if she expected him to take it. He tried his best to be discreet as he cringed away. 

“No, Anna. I assure you, I’ll be fine.” 

Once again, she came closer. He couldn’t meet her eye. 

“Castiel, I understand that you are perfectly capable of doing this on your own, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to.” She smiled and he swallowed hard, fighting the anger that bubbled up in his chest. “You’re situation is very sensitive and it can be very taxing to shoulder this burden alone. Please, reconsider.” 

“Thank you,” he said, stern but still polite. “But I shall go alone. If this human is to be in my charge, I need to experience this by myself” 

“Are you sure? You could-” 

“As I said, I feel I need to go alone,” he quickly replied.

“As you wish,” she finally relented and although she was smiling, he could see something more lingering beyond that. Her hands were tensely clenched at her sides. 

“I shall return soon,” he said quickly. 

Before he could face anymore badgering, Castiel took flight, the sound of his wings echoing loudly down the marble halls. As soon as he was out of Anna’s reach, the heaviness in his chest lifted. 

Since the first day she suggested seeking out the human in his care, Anna had become more and more persistent. There was something odd about the way she talked about it- something that made Castiel incredibly uncomfortable.

For the first time, he felt himself beginning to loathe her presence. Her demand for updates became overbearing, her interest boarded on absurdity, and her constant attention was almost painful to endure. When she talked to him, she no longer looked him in the eye and on the off chance that she did, he could see hunger there; a burning want that, if he didn’t know any better, he might have assumed was envy. 

Anna’s obsession with his human concerned him to an unimaginable degree. It concerned him and made him angry. 

When he finally announced to her that he would actually be heading to earth, he had to grit his teeth to keep from snapping at her when she offered to accompany him. 

He had gone from feeling comforted and loved in her presence to feeling sick. 

By the time he made it to earth, he decided that he would no longer give her the option to insert herself in the matters of his guardianship. He would no longer confide in her. 

Maybe it was selfish for him to insist, but he believed this was his and his alone. He should have been the one to seek out the human. Him. Not Anna. Not anyone else. 

This was his. 

* * *

When Castiel finally found his human, nighttime had settled.   
As he glided through the air, following the pull of the glowing soul in his chest, the sky was bathed an inky blue and the stars glittered brightly overhead. 

Beautiful, he thought to himself as he looked up. How wonderful it must have been to see this night after night. Sometimes he honestly believed that even heaven didn’t compare to things that could be seen from earth. 

His father truly did save the very best for his greatest creations. 

The stars kept him company as Castiel soon found himself flying over a lonely highway, not a car or person in sight. There was, however, something glowing in the distance. As he got closer, he found that it was a bright red sign reading “Lazy Day Motel” and beneath it, there was a small grey building with an empty parking lot. 

Knowing that this was were he was meant to be, Castiel touched down beside a faded blue pickup truck and stared up at the building. On both sides, a small, metal staircase led up to the second floor and next to each door a golden number was bolted to the wall. He looked at each of them, wondering, before his eyes landed on one in particular and he knew. 

207, he repeated to himself, making his way up to the second floor. He passed by darkened windows and quiet rooms, the soft sounds of sleep and humming air conditioning units drifting out to meet him. When he came to his human’s room, he stopped and passed through the door with ease. 

Inside, he found that the room was almost completely dark. The air conditioner was turned on low, humming and clicking softly in the corner, and a set of dirty white curtains covered the window. To the right, there was another door and a sliver of light peeked from beneath.

This room is very unsanitary, Castiel thought absently as he turned in circles in the middle of the room trying to take it all in. A duffel bag was overturned on the floor, dark t-shirts and jeans spilling out the front. Empty takeout boxes littered the wooden table in the corner. A TV remote was left absently on the window sill. 

In the middle of the room, there was a small, single person bed. Even in the dark, Castiel could see someone curled up beneath the comforter; a small, thin figure who, from what he could gather, must have been a child. He took a step closer, curious, but quickly stopped. 

It’s not them, he said to himself with certainty.

Looking at the figure curled under the blanket, he felt nothing. No connection, no overwhelming urge to protect, no need to be closer. He was just staring at any other regular human. Not his. 

Suddenly, the small door to the right opened. Light spilled into the motel room, illuminating every dark corner. A figure emerged from the bathroom and, in that moment, Castiel felt he had been struck by lightning. 

This was him. This was the human he was supposed to protect. The one who was under his care. 

Castiel was _ his _ guardian angel. 

He watched, attention completely focused, as the boy passed by him without notice and made his way towards the bed. 

“Dean?” The child lying suddenly said, sitting up. While Castiel could barely make out the boy’s face in the dark, he could tell he was young. Very young. And afraid. 

The older boy- Dean- let out a sigh before his face softened to a smile. 

“I thought you were asleep,” he said, stopping in front of the boy before crossing his arms. Castiel drew closer until he was lingering behind the teenager’s shoulder. 

“I was,” he started hesitantly. “I’m worried.” 

“Worried? Sam, how many times have I told you,” Dean shook his head and bent down to his level, crouching beside the bed. “There’s nothing to worry about as long as I’m around. I’ll protect us.” 

“It’s not that,” he admitted in a small voice. “ I’m worried about dad.” 

“Dad?” Dean tried to sound surprised. 

“Yeah,” The boy shrugged. “You said he was supposed to be back-” 

“Sam, dad is fine. He’s… He’s fine,” Dean said and Castiel took a deep breath. The soul piece in his chest turned a dull grey color, dim and somber. The angel felt cold all over. Dean was lying. He was lying and he too was afraid. 

“Now, come on. Get back in bed.” 

“But Dean…,” the young boy started to whine. 

“Nope, no buts.” Dean shook his head and before Sam could say anything more, he lifted the edge of the comforter and slid his way underneath. The boy let out a halfhearted groan and Dean chuckled. “ Let’s get some shut eye, okay? If dad comes back and you’re still awake, he’ll be pissed.” 

Castiel watched as the two boys curled up in bed, Sam in Dean’s arms, both boys closing their eyes. He watched them and grimaced. A shiver ran through his body. Dean’s anxiety never wavered and, with Sam now turned away from him, it showed on his face. 

The boy was troubled. Castiel’s chest ached.

If he could, he would have reached out to him then. He would have brought the boy into his arms and told him everything was going to be alright. He would have brought him assurance. He would have brought him comfort. He would have done anything for him, but he couldn’t. 

Instead, he just brought his hands up to his chest, hoping and praying that the boy could feel the reassurance flowing through his fingertips. 

He was surprised when Dean let out a relieved sigh. It was as if every bit of tension in his body had disappeared. Castiel watched as he shifted deeper down into the blankets, pulling the other closer to his side. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Sammy,” he muttered against the boy’s hair. “Everything’s gonna be okay. I can feel it.” 

And hearing that, Castiel smiled. 

It will be. I promise you, Castiel swore as he lingered by their bedside. 

He decided to stay until both boys fell asleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a Christmas miracle! I actually wrote a chapter 2! I've had so much stuff going on that I pretty much gave up hope on ever getting time to write again, but somehow I did it. I don't know how good this is, but it's done and I like and that's all that matters!

Castiel told himself he would stay until the Winchesters fell asleep, but somehow the night managed to escape him. 

By the time he rose from the bedside and bid farewell to the boys sleeping in that dingy hotel room, the sun was beginning to rise. However, even though he had already stayed longer than he intended, he lingered a while before returning to heaven.

He flew with no destination in mind. Below him, the world was beginning to awake. Businesses were opening, people were leaving for work, children were making their way to school. 

_Why don’t the Winchesters attend school,_ he wondered absently to himself as he watched from above.

They were both within the correct age to attend. Perhaps there was some sort of alternative program children could participate in. Or maybe their parents just didn’t bother to send them. 

He didn’t know, but he was certain he would have plenty of time to find out.

There was so much he wanted to know. Not just about the Winchesters, but humanity as a whole. So, so much. But he knew for now that would have to wait. 

Just as he expected, Anna was waiting for him when he returned. She was standing right where he had left her, seemingly unmoved, and although she was smiling, the joy didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Castiel,” she said in a sugary sweet tone. “It’s so wonderful that you’ve returned! I’ve been so anxious to hear your report and more importantly, about this human of yours. How was it?” 

“It was…,” Castiel hesitated. He knew he had to choose his words carefully. A long moment of silence passed between them. He took a deep breath. “Uneventful.” 

“Is that so?” She asked, dropping her cheerful facade and openly frowning. 

Castiel nodded. 

“Yes, I merely found the human, observed him, and returned. There nothing else to report. He mainly slept while I was there.” 

"He? You said he?” 

Once again, Castiel hesitated. “Yes… the human is a young male.” 

“A child?” 

“Not exactly. He’s not a child, but he’s certainly not fully grown. I presume he still has several years before he reaches full maturity.” 

“Ah,” Anna said breathlessly, some of her vigor returning. “So, his journey in life has just begun. There’s so much potential there. So much promise. And to think, father chose  _ you _ to guide him towards the right path.” 

Before he could respond, Anna stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Castiel, I can’t even imagine how it must feel to be in your position.”

Her fingers tightened. Her smile widened. Jealousy and want punctuated her every word. 

“You have truly been blessed.”

* * *

The next time Castiel sought out Dean Winchester, he didn’t inform Anna of his departure. 

Perhaps it was irresponsible and maybe even a little spiteful, but he felt it was for the best. The less she was involved, the better. 

He hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on it too much, but he knew deep down that something was wrong with Anna. Her once kind words were now marked with jealousy. When she looked at him, there was a coldness to her eyes. 

Castiel wasn’t stupid and he wasn’t blind. Something had changed between them. New boundaries were set. Precautions were taken. 

He stopped talking about his guardianship and tried his best to deter any interest from his other siblings. He no longer spoke to Dean, not even when he was certain he was alone. He tried his best to hide the glow of the human’s soul beneath his robes. 

He waited before returning to earth again. 

For him, this was the hardest decision of all. Just one look at the human who was under his care had ruined him. He wanted to be there all the time: every day, every hour, every minute. 

He knew that for every moment he wasn’t there, things were changing. He was missing something. 

That was the thing about humans. They were always moving too fast. Changing and growing and doing so without a moment’s rest. To him, their years were like hours, their minutes like seconds. Before, a decade could have passed on earth and Castiel would have hardly noticed. 

Now, he had to be careful. If he wasn’t, Dean might have been grown the next time he saw him. 

Castiel tried to keep track of how long it had been since he first visited the boy. Three weeks? Maybe four? He couldn’t be sure, but he believed it had been long enough. 

Just like before, Castiel allowed the pull of Dean’s soul to draw him to the boy. 

This time instead of that lonely old hotel, Castiel found himself touching down in an empty field. Surrounding him on all sides were tall, scraggly trees. What little leaves remained on their branches were dry and dying, rustling noisily in the cold wind. 

In his absence from Earth, it appeared spring had turned to fall and was now leading into winter. There was a noticeable chill in the air and he believed if he had been human, he would have seen his breath. 

He’d been gone a lot longer than he thought. Three months at least. Castiel shook his head as he peered around the open field. 

_ I never intended to leave him for so long. I should have been more careful, _ he chided himself. _ It was only supposed to be for-  _

Suddenly, a loud crack echoed through the air, halting his thoughts. 

Immediately, he turned towards the sound and began to walk, knowing that if he followed the noise he would surely find who he was looking for. Another boom. This time, he clearly registered it as a gunshot.

Moving through the trees, he could see two people up ahead. Their voices wafted back to him as he approached. 

“Nice shot,” a man’s voice came, deep and low. 

As if he had said the magic words, the light in Castiel’s chest began to glow in a way he had never seen before. Gently, Castiel pressed his hands to his chest and felt the burning warmth that radiated from the soul. 

“Thanks!” Someone replied and he immediately recognized it to be Dean. A gentle smile spread across his face and his pace quickened. 

As he came closer, he thankfully realized the boy hadn’t changed too much. Dean still looked at the same as when Castiel had first seen him in that dingy hotel room. 

He was dressed in a thick, green jacket, a red flannel, and worn, leather boots. His hair had been cut shorter and his cheeks were red from the cold. In his hand, was a pistol.

The man beside him was dressed similarly, a gun holster on his hip. It took him a moment, but Castiel soon noticed the resemblance. He must have been the boy’s father. 

“Let’s have a look,” the man said, patting his son on the shoulder. 

Castiel watched as the boy’s father walked a distance to a tree where a sheet of paper was hanging. He looked at it for a moment before nodding and tearing it from the tree. Dean waited patiently for his father to return. 

“Good aim. You’re getting better,” the man said, handing the paper to his son. Castiel moved closer to the boy. From over his shoulder, he could see that it was a target. Dean had hit the center twice and came pretty close for the other three shots. 

A beaming smile broke out across the boy’s face as he stared down at the paper and Castiel felt his chest grow hot. It was the same feeling as before and now, he understood. This emotion; it was pride. 

Castiel couldn’t help, but smile as well. 

“Well, I’ve had a lot of practice,” Dean said and chuckled, folding the paper in his hands.  “I’ve been shooting forever, dad. It’s not anything new.” 

“I know, but it’s been awhile since you’ve had any practice,” his father said and then hesitated. “I haven’t been around much lately. I need to know that you can protect yourself and Sam.” 

“I always protect us.” 

“I know you do, but I have to be sure, Dean.” 

A long moment of silence passed. Castiel waited, looking back and forth between them. He didn’t understand. Dean’s sense of pride and joy had all, but disappeared in the wake of his father’s words. A deep, unsettling tension had fell around them. 

“Look,” the man said finally and Castiel saw him take a deep breath. “I’m gonna need you to step up for me, Dean. More than you already have. Something… there’s something I have to do and I’m gonna be gone for a while.” 

A cold feeling washed over Castiel. Dean gripped the gun in his hand a little tighter. 

“A while? How long is a while?” 

“I don’t know, but you have to be prepared to take care of your brother while I’m gone. No matter what happens. No matter what you have to do. You keep Sam safe, you understand me?” 

“No, I don’t understand.” Castiel took a step back, surprised by how harsh the boy sounded all of the sudden. “You’ve been gone for months now and you won’t tell me what’s going on. So, no. I don’t understand.” 

“Look, I don’t like this any more than you do, but we gotta do what we gotta do, Dean. This isn’t a negotiation! I have to go and you have to stay. Got it?” 

Dean frowned and once again, Castiel was hit with emotional whiplash. Immediately, the anger he had felt just a few seconds prior melted away and a deep sadness took its place. 

“Yeah, okay. Whatever,” he said, voice low and strained. “Are we done yet? Can we go?” 

Dean’s father scowled. “Maybe. If you lose the attitude." 

Dean swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.” 

John nodded. 

“Good,” he said. “Now, we can go.” 

He didn’t wait for Dean to reply before storming off, hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets. There was a few seconds of delay as the boy just stood there, biting his lower lip as he looked after his father. 

Castiel carefully placed his hands over his chest, trying to soothe the boy’s raging emotions. Dean’s expression eased. 

_ It’s okay,  _ Castiel told him.  _ There’s no reason to be angry anymore. You are okay.  _

Dean’s shoulders slumped. 

_ I don’t quite understand your emotions or your situation, but I don’t have to in order to protect you. Nothing is going to happen as long as I’m here. Not to you or your brother. I promise.  _

The cold light of Dean’s soul dimmed. The boys sighed. 

Castiel watched as he slowly began to follow his father, weaving his way between bare trees and scraggly branches. The angel looked after them until both men disappeared from sight. 

He had hoped that seeing Dean again would answer some of his questions from before, but now it seemed that he had even more to consider. 

What caused Dean’s father to be gone all the time? Where did he go? What did he do? Why was Dean so angry? What did they need to be protected from? 

Castiel wondered until it made him feel sick. 

* * *

Castiel got the answers to his questions only a few days after Dean’s father returned from his trip. 

The two brothers had spent another two and a half weeks alone in another hotel, this one just as crummy as the last.

This time, the angel had been there when their father left. He listened carefully as Dean’s father gave him instructions and slipped a credit card into the boy’s palm. 

“Be careful,” the man had said finally before climbing into his car and peeled out of the parking lot. There was no goodbye, no I love you. Just two simple words and he was gone. 

Dean stood motionless on the curb, watching until the car disappeared, before shaking his head and making his way towards the hotel room. Castiel followed close behind. 

The next couple of weeks passed by in a blur. It was all late night sitcoms, empty takeout boxes, long card games, both boys sleeping in the single hotel bed, and complaining. Lots and lots of complaining. 

Castiel spent every moment he could with them. 

He paced the room as he waited for them to wake up. He sat on the edge of the bed as the two boys curled up on the floor to watch TV. He peaked over Dean’s shoulder as they played cards, knowing that even though he had a good hand, he was going to let Sam win.

Although it was slightly mundane and very repetitive, Castiel enjoyed himself. He liked being with the Winchesters. He liked listening to them and learning about them and trying to understand them.

Although he knew how the two felt about being alone, Castiel was almost sad to see their father return. When he was there, both the boys seemed so closed off. Held back. They didn’t joke or laugh or play around like they did when they were alone. 

It was like a dark cloud had settled over them. But Castiel knew the boys loved their father and he loved them. He could protect them. He could keep them safe. 

Or at least, that’s what Castiel thought. 

When John returned, the angel decided it was time to return to heaven. He fell back into his usual routine with ease, despite the ache he felt to stay on earth. 

It was difficult to balance both his duty to heaven and the Winchesters, but he was trying. He knew he couldn’t spend too much time in one place or the other. Dean needed him. His family needed him. 

He tried to invest the same amount of effort into each. 

That’s when he made a mistake. He believed that considering how long he had been on earth, practically ignoring his duties to heaven, it was now time for him to the opposite. 

When Dean was angry, Castiel told himself he was just arguing with his father. When he was nervous, Castiel convinced himself it was nothing. When he was sad, Castiel reasoned it was just the same as always. 

When he was afraid, Castiel almost went to see him. Almost. But he didn’t. And that’s when the pain started. 

  
It exploded through him all at once. Instant, sharp, guttural. Enough to bring Castiel to his knees. His entire body shook. His chest tightened. 

He disappeared without a word, moving as fast as he could, knowing that if he had been there, whatever was happening wouldn't have happened. 

* * *

As Castiel sat at the foot of the bed, watching Dean’s father dip a blood soaked rag into a bowl of water on the nightstand, he felt like he was on fire, burning from the inside out. 

Questions anguished through his mind. 

_ How could this happen? Why? Why did you let this happen? Why weren’t you there? Why didn’t you protect him? You were supposed to protect him!  _ He thought, unsure if the words were directed more towards the boy’s father or himself. 

His hands shook as he brought them to his chest, covering the dull, dark glow of Dean’s soul. No matter how hard he tried to soothe him, the pain never subsided. He could feel it rippling through his own body, shaking him to his core. 

_ This is your purpose now. He is you purpose and you’ve failed. You couldn’t protect him. You weren’t there!  _ Castiel berated himself, unable to tear his eyes away from the boy on the bed. 

Dean’s eyes were fixated on the ceiling, jaw tightly clenched and teeth gritting as the sharp needle in his father’s hand pierced his side. Castiel counted the stitches that laced their was across the boy’s stomach as his father skillfully made another and another. 

Finally, John sighed, leaned back, and dabbed the wound with his rag to clean it. 

Castiel watched as Dean bit his lip. His soul ached. 

_ How many times has this happened?  _ He wondered. _ If this is the way they live, what they do, then it can’t be the first time.  _

Originally, when Castiel began questioning the strange ways of the Winchester family, he believed he might have just been naive. Maybe he just didn’t know enough about humans. Maybe this was normal behavior. 

After all, he hadn’t been on earth in one hundred years. He just had to learn in order to understand. Or, at least, that’s what he originally believed. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. 

The Winchester family  _ was _ odd and they were living a very dangerous sort of lifestyle. 

Beforehand, Castiel had never had much concern for the lessor entities that dwelled on earth. He mainly just focused on humans and demons. That was his job. His purpose. Other supernatural creatures were just small annoyances that rarely entered the forefront of his mind. They didn’t matter. Until now. 

It had never occurred to him that there were people who dealt with these kinds of things. He wasn’t even sure if humans knew about the supernatural. At least, not to a serious extent. It was almost shocking to realize that there were people who hunted these creatures. 

He should have known better. He should have, but- 

Castiel swallowed hard as John stood up from the bed. 

“Don’t move. I gotta grab some bandages. I’ll be back in a second,” John muttered gruffly and patted Dean on the shoulder. Dean nodded and tried to smile, but Castiel could still feel the aching pain exploding through his being. 

As soon as John was gone, Castiel moved around the bed and came to rest at the boy’s side. 

Up close, he could see just how badly he was wounded. His gray t-shirt had been pushed up his chest and stained with blood, shredded across the middle by a huge gash. Dried blood was smeared across his stomach and had gathered around his freshly sewn stitches. 

Castiel couldn’t even imagine how that must have felt. For him, without a human vessel, pain was a very abstract thing. Of course, he could feel it. He could be injured and he could be killed, but he wouldn’t bleed. He wouldn’t be… like this. 

It was much simpler for humans and in some ways, that made it worse.

_ Why did I let this happen? I came as soon as I felt your pain, but there’s no excuse, _ he thought as he watched the boy take shallow breaths. _ I should have been there. I should always be here. Right here. Whenever you need me. I’m supposed to protect you. _

Carefully, Castiel reached out to the boy, fingers lingering just above his cheek. He wanted to touch him, to comfort him. He wanted to grab him and pull him close and take his pain away. He wanted to make things better, but he wasn’t sure how. He didn’t know what to do, but now he understood. 

  
For the first time, it made sense. This was what it was like to be human. To care and hurt and love. A million emotions rushed through him; emotions he never even knew he could experience. 

This was like nothing he had ever felt before, not in all his millions of years of existence. 


End file.
